Pain

It must be discouraging, at times, to find yourself still battling with pain.
We attach so easily to the idea that pain can be left behind.
We anticipate a difference that has not been realized.
We are frustrated. We cry when alone.
We think about the future and struggle with questions that have no answers.
It is so hard to wait.
Time, before pain, that seemed to flow rapidly through the hourglass,
now seems to need to be tapped and reminded to move.
I want you to know that you are not alone.
While God must feel distant and the hem of his garment unreachable,
He it is who knows our internal struggle with pain.
As He once said to His Father: “If there be any other way, I choose it.”

During the difficult times in my life, I cried tears of frustration and pain.
I struggled to understand the “why” of the experiences.
I cannot tell you that I yet have the answers,
but I do know that He has pieced together some of the scraps
and I have watched some emergent beauty.
It has not been what I anticipated or prayed for.
But I have noticed growth in my understanding of God,
who He is and what He does,
that His faithfulness is not always expressed in ways I think it should be,
that His ways are purposeful and often address a deeper need
than the one I identified.
I've noticed growth in myself from the pruning
though the pain that accompanied the severing of those branches was excruciating.
I understand better His role as Gardener in my life
and anticipate a greater yield of the fruit of His Spirit.
I've found an empathy for others that goes beyond head knowledge.
My heart has been touched in new ways through experience.

While we do not have the kind of relationship,
in terms of length and depth of knowing each each other,
that provides comfort here and now,
I wanted to reach out and let you know that I care!
I am praying that you will find God's arms embracing you,
feel His presence in ways you've not known before,
see His faithful love expressed in ways that firm up your conviction
that He has been, is, and will be forever
walking alongside throughout this journey that your on.

Twila Charles Leichty
20.October 2008

Competency?
(or Twila's Travel by Trolley)

I set out to do some chores,
one of which was some grocery shopping.
Before getting out of the car,
I decided my wallet would be sufficient
and I left my shoulder pack on the seat, awaiting my return.
Alas! The car door closed and I had a sudden awareness
that my keys were tucked in the pocket of my pack.
It would be pointless to do my grocery shopping,
having no where to put them when I was finished,
so I set out to find a phone book.
I'd recently learned the name of a neighbor, but they had no number listed.
My husband's cell number, on speed dial in my cell phone,
was one I hadn't learned.
He was at work ~ and didn't need to be bothered by my current crisis.
I sat down to think, and wished I'd put on the sweater I'd brought with me
before I'd exited the car.
I'd seen the interurban (between Goshen and Elkhart) trolley
drive through this area before
so I asked the greeter in the store about it's schedule.
It wasn't, of course, her job to know that.
So I waited until one arrived.
But it was going to Elkhart.
Then another arrived and was going my way.
I boarded and deposited my dollar.
When the driver asked where I was going,
I was glad I'd looked at the route
and saw a stop at 15th Street and College Avenue,
within an easy walking distance to our house,
so I gave him those street names.
I sat on the bus and thought ~
going to the house wouldn't help because I couldn't get in,
going to my husband's office at the college
would mean I couldn't solve this on my own,
I couldn't ask him for my other car key and leave
to get the trolley back to the store
without him wondering what had happened
(that wasn't fair!)...
The trolley was about to turn onto College Avenue.
A decision was imperative if I didn't want to walk back to the college.
"May I get off here?" I asked..."If you'd like," was the response.
Decision made. I would soon be in his office, relating my story.
To my knock at the door, a friendly "come in."
A surprised look....the story followed.
Then, "Did you forget the key that is hidden?"
Of course I did!

Twila Charles Leichty
18. October 2008

The ash tree behind the house....

It is autumn.
Our property has a number of trees on it.
Two in the front lawn have been supplying us with steady deposits of leaves to rake.
The trees in the back yard have been quite reluctant to relinquish their soiled summer dresses.
But there is one lone ash tree behind the house,
small in comparison to the four other, much larger trees,
that caught my eye.
Small dried leaves still clung to some of the limbs,
seemingly unable to release their hold,
but part of the tree looked dead.
I reached up to one of the branches and pulled.
It snapped, confirming my suspicion.
Then I caught sight of strings and a belt,
stretching between the limbs about ten feet up.
I loosed the strings, unfastened the belt,
perhaps another's effort to correct the tree's posture and hold it erect.
I continued to test the lower branches
and they continued to break away.
It may well be that the whole tree is not dead - yet.
But some of it is.
A quick glance at the tree, especially in the winter months,
will not, perhaps, reveal it's state.
It will look as other deciduous trees, undressed.
However, spring will come.
And as others awaken and put on their lovely green attire,
I suspect that ash tree will be scantly clothed or even naked,
unable, any longer, to provide itself an appearance of life.

Twila Charles Leichty
16. October 2008