To the parents of a son who chose suicide:

At a time like this there are no words
to adequately convey what is experienced within.
What prompts the decision that death
is preferable to life?
“Why's” wrestle within your restless minds,
looking for answers unobtainable this side of eternity.
“If only's” chase through minds already exhausted.
Emotions are raw.
Feelings plumb depths you've heretofore not known.
...shock, confusion, numbness,
hurt that crushes, making it hard to breathe,
anger that surges,
tears that flow without relief,
groans, screams and silence that express what words cannot...

Where can one go to find someone who understands
when the one person who best understands
is bleeding as profusely from this sustained wound as you?

Others are present, yet locked out.
You want their presence, and you don't at the same time.
You long for those who can sit in silence with you,
understand that words can't “fix” what is wrong and don't try,
comprehend the incomprehensibility of what is
and are willing to wait with you for the fog to clear.
You long for the rest that accompanies routines
but what has happened violated all boundaries
and touched that which was sacred.

Tsunamis turn worlds upside down.
His pain that saw death as the only way to peace
has inflicted its own pain
on those who loved (and still love) the one stolen from them.

My dear friends, I want you to know that I am praying for you
as you deal with the shock of your son's death,
the processing of this whole experience,
and the rebuilding of your lives in a way that incorporates it
and allows you to continue growing.
Know that there are many who love you and want to support you
both now and in the adjustments that lay ahead.
I am but one!

Twila Jean Charles Leichty

September 30, 2008